In the future we'll all be gay
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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