Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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