it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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