It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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