I skipped work to stalk him.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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