Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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