He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize