Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
