oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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