u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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