she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
