help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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