Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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