and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
