I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
