Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My life is pants optional.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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