my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Drunk is a universal language darling
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