Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i dont even know how to be here
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
