8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize