I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There r osticjed everywhere
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
