He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
