you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
