So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
