he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
