I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
