well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
