I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
