Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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