He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
