This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
how does that bad decision feel?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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