I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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