I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
