he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
