Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
