If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
