Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
