i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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