Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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