I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
