The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
where am i from again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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