somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
