Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
