I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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