K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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