You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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