I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
