No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
