If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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