i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
