I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
