$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
