dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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