I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
