Swine flu. Run for my life!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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