Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
