I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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