All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
