I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
