dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
