walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
