I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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