____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize