Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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