If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
