she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Never joke about your clitoris.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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