bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
