dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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