she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize