i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
