you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
