you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
