Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
