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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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