yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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