Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
