I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Rumble strips road head = magical
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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