you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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