I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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