I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
