I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize