Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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