she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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