I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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