Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
