he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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