i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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