3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
