Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
