also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
