so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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