Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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