u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize